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  1. #1
    john Guest


    Bureau of Worthless Compensation
    66 Pain Terrace Plaza
    Unaccoutability City, Ohio USA

    Dear Mr. Destroyer:

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information and substantiating photographs to my on-the-job injury. Please note it has now been over four (4) years since I submitted an accident form and claim form to your Bureau Without Compassion. In block #3, of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the exact cause of my accident. You stated in your letter that you are requesting more information and should include photographs. I certainly trust and pray the following details will be more than sufficient!

    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working by myself on the roof of a new six-story building. After completing my work, I realized that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a rope and a pulley which fortunately was secured to the side of the building at the sixth floor level.

    Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then, I went back down to the ground floor and untied the rope, while holding it tightly to insure the slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block #11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 147 pounds. Due to my surprise at being suddenly and violently jerked off the ground, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless, to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone.

    Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, without stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. This accounts for the loss of my four fingers. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly on to the rope in spite of my severe pain.

    Ast approximately this same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the empty barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my 147 pound weight in block #11. As you might suspect, still holding tightly on to the rope, I then began a rapid descent down the side of the building from the sixth floor level.

    Again in the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and the severe lacerations to both of my legs and entire lower body.

    However, the encounter with the barrel did slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks on the ground and fortunately for me, only five vertebrae were fractured.

    I am very sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in severe pain, unable to stand or even move, and watching the emply barrel six stories above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. The emply barrel weighed more than the rope, therefore, it came back down at a high rate of speed and broke both of my legs.

    I certainly do hope I have furnished all of the information your Battered Without Compensation system requires as to how my accident and the on-the-job injuries occurred so tht my claim may finally be processed before I again lose my presence of mind. In addition, while struggling to keep from again losing my presence of mind, I have written this in plain, simple English so that it will not take another four (4) years for your specialists to read and understand. I am sorry, I realize I do not know the Bankrupt Without Compensation system language. However, this was written simple and plainly enough that my 5th grade son understood it and hope your specialist also can. If not, he will be home from school at 3:40 PM and will be glad to explain it to you wihtout charge.

    As for the photographs of the accident you requested and you stated were necessary and required to process my claim - since you consider my injuries to be only 'slight to minor', and I consider my disability benefits and medical care and payments to be from 'nil to nothing', I will gladly furniish the bricks, barrel, rope and pulley and you can get your own damn photographs. I certainly do not have the presence of mind to do it again just to appease your half _____ system; nor, will I ever "try to do the job alone" again.

    Painfully yours,

    Ive Ben Screwed
    Claim #13-131313

    Good Luck and have a nice day!!

  2. #2
    alan Guest



    I've seen this in years past! Thanks for bringing it back. We all need a good laugh.


  3. #3
    baileybug Guest


    This was a good laugh.

  4. #4
    mare Guest


    now that's just about right. laughter is the only medicine i have, and i thank you for sharing.

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