Hi - I injured my knee at work (I work in healthcare), am seeing an ortho monday, they're thinking possible surgery. I'm just extremely depressed. It hasn't been horrible yet with the workers comp people assigned to my case, but bc of the wording on my restrictions, it has been a bit of a battle. I can't drive, have to keep leg elevated at all times (only position that really helps and keeps pain at a minimum is with leg propped on pillow while I sit/lay), yet they put I can do sit down work... with no thought given to the several times a day that one would have to get up and move at even a sit down job, getting in and out, getting to and from work, etc. I can barely manage the crutches, bc I'm not a very coordinated person, and they are exhausting. Further, there's no position at my particular department where I can do this... and the closest thing they've considered so far in another department where you don't need some extensive training is taking temps - which you have to continually get up for, so that's out. So for now, I'm out of work since they have nothing for me.
I have severe anxiety and depression that this whole situation has exacerbated. Feeling like I have to fight with workers comp, have to be on guard to protect myself, missing work in a field where it's constantly changing and is actually CURRENTLY changing and I'm missing it all, knowing I'll have to catch up, etc. I was supposed to take a short renewal class and exam in May to renew my CNA to apply to nursing school, as well as the last class I need (biochem) to apply in January (I'm on a time crunch, if I don't have these done by a certain time, I could end up waiting yet another year to apply), and now I'm stuck at home with my knee elevated constantly, with a narcissistic husband who gets pissed if he has to help me do anything or drive me anywhere who I am now COMPLETELY dependent on (not a desirable situation at all), and a moody preteen who can't go anywhere either bc she depends on me to take her places and do things with her (again, narcissistic husband). I feel like a failure as a mom bc she's not really getting a break from this house, and my husband is "too tired" to take her out for just a few hours when he gets home, even though I managed to when I worked full time, knowing she was stuck all day at home virtual learning. I feel like a failure as an employee, bc I LOVE my job and coworkers and they're in a bind bc of me. I feel like a failure as a person. I can't even clean my house - my daughter helps, but it's not the same. I've done nothing but binge watch tv and eat - I've finished the entire run of the 1980's version of Twilight Zone, then entire Outer Limits series (60s and 90s version), and have become abnormally invested in some really trash tv... and I may or may not have finished off an entire birthday cake on my own last week. I mean, I could be studying, boning up on stuff for school, but there's no motivation. I'm so stressed, and I can't miss applying to nursing school - I have always wanted to be a nurse, and also, if things don't improve with my husband, it's my way out of this marriage. I don't know if many people realize it, but financial abuse is a thing - I make much less than my husband, and he controls most of that. And there are other issues - bad ones that I won't get into. It's just that I NEED to get into nursing school and build something for myself and my daughter for a variety of reasons.
I'm just tired. I have to fight my husband for every extra thing we need right now (who complains bc the house isn't kept up or dinner isn't made), I have to fight workers comp to make sure my rights are protected, I have to battle my preteen daughter's moods, and we have a dog and three very high maintenance cats that require lots of attention and who were supposed to all get spayed and vet appointments with the little bit of the stimulus that I had to beg my husband for, which now is going to backfill the work I've lost until the 21 days kicks in)... so I also feel like a crap pet mom. I'm about to pull my hair out. So this has been awful, and I am not yet seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry for the rant... I'm just glad to have found this little spot and get this off my chest.